One year on Christmas Eve, I sat next to a woman at church who was awash in tears. I could feel the pain in her heart as though it were my own. With little prompting she poured out her family story of estrangement and her isolation from those she loved. As I listened to her through her tears, I realized that she was desperately seeking the grace of God to heal her heart through the miracle of Christmas. Her tears expressed the longing of her soul for forgiveness. Her tears expressed her longing for the love that would reconcile her family and restore to her that which was lost.

    Whether we approach the season with anticipation or apprehension, the experience of Christmas is about the eternal qualities of God. For those who live in darkness, Christmas may be an experience of light. For those who grieve, it may be an experience of comfort. For those who are lonely, it may be an experience of love. For those who feel empty, it may be an experience of joy.

   The question, then, is how do we experience God’s gifts of light, comfort, love, and joy when we grieve at Christmas? Though it is not always so, sometimes we find these gifts at the back door of our heart, wrapped in our need to forgive and forget.   

   We know this about forgiveness: God asks only that we acknowledge our need for forgiveness in humility and true repentance. When we ask, we are forgiven, “Bear with one another and, if anyone has a complaint against another, forgive each other; just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive” (Colossians 3:13).

   Forgiveness can enrich our experience of Christmas beyond anything we might imagine or hope for. When emotional conflicts erupt, as they often do during the holidays, this is the moment to forgive, “Forgive, and you will be forgiven” (Luke 6:37).

• When we forgive, we release those who have been thoughtless or inconsiderate from being hostage to our grief.
• When we forgive, we experience the power of forgiveness to overcome every hurt and wrong.
• When we forgive, wounds inflicted by the past begin to heal—in forgiveness there is healing, in healing, there is forgiveness.
• When we forgive, we bless the spirit of another with the gift of human grace. Human grace reminds us that forgiveness is at the heart of God’s love, the gift we celebrate at Christmas.
• When we forgive, we move forward in grief and in our life to experience the peace and joy of Christmas.

   Though we may master forgiveness, forgetting is sometimes easier said than done. Even if we have done the work of forgiveness, when the dying embers of troubled memories are fanned to life by some reminder, especially during the holiday season, it is not always our first impulse to douse the flames with the water of forgiving and forgetting.

   The fires of our memory find the oxygen they need to live on, especially when we grieve through the holidays. Sometimes we had rather cozy up to the fire, make some s’mores, and enjoy the roaring bonfire of our hurt and indignation. There we find ourself engulfed in the raging blaze of the circular conversation in our mind—the one that begins with the misdeeds of others and ends with our need for justice and vindication. Somehow we had rather remember than forget whatever it is that brought us to this place of pain and resentment.

   Let me suggest a way to extinguish the fire, for once and for all time. Holy forgetfulness—forgetting to remember. Said another way, holy forgetfulness is about remembering to forget the painful events and unkind people who have harmed us or hurt us in our life.

   When we forget the forgettable, and hold fast to our most unforgettable memories, we make space in our heart for the things in our life that are worthwhile, valuable, and truly memorable, “You will forget your misery; you will remember it as waters that have passed away” (Job 11:16). Forgiving and forgetting may be the best Christmas gift we can give to ourself and to others.

   In the grace of forgiveness, we stand in the radiant glory of the presence of God. In forgiveness we find our deepest experience of God through Christ as we celebrate Christmas.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:32