Because of the rapid succession of holidays—Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s—often November and December feel like a time of prolonged remembrance. Grief intensifies our experience of seasonal events and occasions, whether at home, at school, at work, at church, or in the neighborhood. Wherever we go, whatever we do, there are painful reminders of our loved one.

          Though we would like for it to be otherwise, we cannot avoid the holidays—they are part of the calendar of life. When we grieve, it is easy to overthink the holidays in advance of the season. As we begin to form a mental picture of what it will be like to experience the season without our loved one, it is difficult to imagine our place and how we will fit in on Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day or New Year’s Eve or at some party or gathering in between.

          Even at the best of times, many feel more than a little anxious about how things may be or will be during the holidays. Rather than borrow the stress of the unknown, remember that all we have is today. I saw a billboard last year at a grocery store promoting Thanksgiving dinners with all the trimmings. The message was this: But first, Thanksgiving. Don’t December your November. Live one day at a time, stay in the moment. We learn from experience that when we try to anticipate the holidays, investment in the build-up of anxiety is not the best use of our emotional energy.

           As you enter into the season ahead, remember that there is no right or wrong way to experience the holidays. There is no manual, how-to guide, instruction book, or performance standard for celebration. The days, weeks and events of the season can be anything you want them to be, done in any way that provides you with the comfort and peace you need at this time of grief and remembrance.      

          As those around us feast and celebrate, we are susceptible to every reminder of the one we love. Perhaps a beloved father always carved the turkey, and we feel the deep void of his family leadership. Or an empty seat at the table reminds us of one whose presence will no longer be part of the occasions of our life. Whether at Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s or on remembrance days in between, even if those who gather together are grieving the same loved one, no one’s experience of grief is ever exactly the same. Each person grieves differently.  

          In the days and weeks ahead as you experience the season, hold this thought: grief is not a crisis of faith, it is a matter of faith. When we grieve, especially at the holidays, generally it’s not our faith that’s broken, it’s our heart. In truth grief can be the most honest and faithful place we will ever stand to find the true measure of our faith and our deepest experience of God, “And this is the victory that conquers the world, our faith” (1 John 5:4). Through the power of our faith, we prevail over grief and triumph over the death of one we love. In the promise of our faith, we know that death is not the end.

Despite our grief, or perhaps because of our experience of grief, faith inspires us to be thankful to God for the abundance and bounty of the life that is ours. Whether we have much or little, on Thanksgiving Day, we give thanks for God’s immeasurable blessings and goodness to us all, “O give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his steadfast love endures forever!” (Psalm 118:1).

Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!
Psalm 95:2